Beat It Loser

Oh Angelo, oh Angelo. Please do Philadelphia and the surrounding Delaware Valley a favor and leave. We will be so much better off and our mornings will be free of your tired and worn shtick. I honestly cannot think of a single positive attribute about you or your show (alright, you are a decent writer, but that’s about it). I would rather be stuck in a windowless room with no ventilation during a violent argument between Gilbert Gottfried and Fran Drescher than have to listen to the complete and utter crap that comes out of your mouth every morning.

For starters, you are not from here. You have no connection to anything in this area and your clearly contrived passion and loyalty to Philadelphia sport teams is horribly pathetic and completely questionable. When I got my iPhone, I listened to you during my commute to work because I had an app that allowed me to do so (horrible mistake, thankfully after a couple of days, I realized why I never listened to you in the first place) and you were ranting and raving about the Phillies playoff run (2009). How can anyone with a brain listen to your show and take what you have to say seriously? YOU ARE A LIFE LONG YANKEES FAN! Everything that spews from that gutter between your nose and your chin has no merit and is the journalistic equivalent of having Bob Dylan write a review of his latest record.

Now, if you are a Yankees fan, whatever, I really could care less, that’s all well and good, go ahead and root for the team that you grew up cheering for, I seriously have no problem with that whatsoever. But no, in a lame radio stunt, you decided to proclaim your love for the Phillies and abandon your 58 yearlong loyalty to the Yankees. Oh! Even better, you had to include the always fresh and wacky idea of taking a lie detector test to prove this point, sadly I stopped listening to this segment before it started, but regardless, I’m sure hilarity ensued. I know Rhea Hughes will have my back on that one.

That is only one minute instance of your annoyance. You are not funny. You’re just not, so stop trying to be. What you think is witty and cutting edge and dumb and overplayed. You want to be Howard Stern, but you come off about as bloated as Howard K. Stern’s most famous client. “Oh, what kind of zany radio stunt are we going to do this year with the Wingetts, hey Rhea, aren’t they hot?”
On top of everything that you do on your terrible show, you have perpetuated the old and ugly stereotype of the typical Philadelphia sports fan being a complete savage animal when you brought those drunken assholes up to the NFL Draft in 1999 that ended up booing Donovan McNabb. And NO Angelo, he HASN’T gotten over it (I read that half-assed argument in your book).

I was seriously surprised that your show doesn’t have a smorgasbord of silly sound effects that play throughout; I mean after all, you have the always hysterical Z-list comedian Joe Conklin on all the time. “Oh! Conklin is playing at Bonner’s cafeteria this weekend? Sweet! He is really moving on up! This is like his Beatles Shea Stadium moment.” Give me a break, that guy is a total hack who only adds to the awfulness of your already terrible show. So, he impersonates local celebrity voices? Awesome, he is one step above a street mime.

Perhaps the most infuriating thing about Angelo Cataldi is that he makes over $1 million dollars a year at WIP. Really? Even the idea of this bozo making that much money is enough to make me lose faith in all of humanity. I have never met a person who has said “You know, I like Cataldi, he is insightful, knows what he is talking about and most importantly incredibly funny.” His “humor” appeals to the lowest denominator and combine that with Conklin constantly calling in and the blocks of commercials any actual intelligent (using the term lightly here) sporting commentary probably takes up 0.01% of your time spent on air.

I really hope that your contract extension talks fail and that you are run out of town. You are an embarrassment to this fine city and it seriously blows me away that you have been doing this for over two decades. Good riddance I say, get lost and go back to Rhode Island. While you’re at it, be sure to take your moronic crew with you.